Class Note 2007
The class of 2007 is renowned across the College as officially the best class ever, but these updates take it to the next level. The bonfire may not be, but we are certainly lit! Derrick Smith has been selected as Beyonce’s new lead backup vocalist. He beat out all the single ladies in the auditions, and Beyonce was heard saying that he was irreplaceable and she was crazy in love with his voice.
John Wilson has started a course teaching the perfect Southern accent to actors and actresses. Jacob Crumbine was the first to sign up. Christina Luccio Sargeant is helming a new HGTV show based on the Chicago rental apartment scene. Joanna Gaines called to offer Chip’s assistance.
Moira (Sullivan) Gallagher has moved to Ireland to join a tribe of leprechauns. It was in George’s best interest after all. After reaching all of the adult milestones, Nicole (Mahr) Cannizzarro has decided that she is, in fact, a kid at heart, and has run away to Neverland, where she is frolicking in her favorite items of flare, namely her tutu and sequined dress.
Ariel Eckstein has decided to leave his banking career to pursue his love of ultimate Frisbee. He’s trading suits and dress shoes for jerseys and cleats, paychecks for discs, and fine china for Frisbees. Daniela D’Osorio is nowhere to be found because she changed her name again. Kevin Hudak has become a Dartmouth board of trustees member. They didn’t even bother holding an election.
Skye Zeller is pursuing yet another degree. (Insert random degree program here.) Ashley Henry Musser, Courtney Henry Bhatt, and Brittany Henry have all had identical triplet babies. Dartmouth has already decided that they will all room together freshman year. A.J. Chammas took over Avicii’s DJ residency in Ibiza this summer! Harris Chung, Yusuf Artam, and Theirri Callier took sabbaticals to spend the summer with him.
Jaime Padgett has left her job as a trial attorney to pursue her longtime goal of living out The Sound of Music in a countryside far, far away. Her daily routine includes extensive twirling practice and light yodeling. Russell D’Souza is launching a lifestyle brand. He describes it as “Richard Branson-like, but younger and with less hair.”
Wes Milks has finally admitted that he was an original member of *NSYNC and shares that he is reuniting the group! We all want you back, *NSYNC, so thanks, Wes!
After a vacancy in the Idaho Senate opened up due to the northern senator getting run over by a small herd of bison, Johannes Thum ran for the seat and was elected in a special election! Our first ’07 senator! (Don’t worry; the previous guy is fine, but without going into detail, he can no longer work effectively as a public servant.)
Dax Tejera has revealed that he’s been a member of MI6 since college. He’s writing a memoir about his experiences and has an exclusive interview airing soon on ABC.
Danny Hundert is living in a cabin in the middle of the woods in Colorado without any connection to the outside world. He is focused on trying to breed a new genetic strain of ducks that are hardy enough for mountain life, yet mellow enough to be tame. In his limited free time he is entertaining himself by driving tiny tractors around (he reports that he has amassed quite the valuable collection at this point). He invites classmates to swing by for a ride if they’re in the area!
This is what happens when you hoard the details of your fabulous lives and accomplishments, rather than sending in updates—we’re left only imagining what you’ve been doing.
—Jaime Padgett, 1837 W. Patterson Ave, #109, Chicago, IL 60613; dartmouth2007s@gmail.com
