Writer Ambrose Bierce began The Devil’s Dictionary in 1881 and continued “in a desultory way at long intervals” until 1906. Often cynical, always witty, the work offered Bierce’s unique take on the lexicon of his era. With apologies to Mr. Bierce, here is a second edition of our spinoff, tailored to the Big Green.

Aires, Dartmouth, n. The College’s oldest a cappella singing group, notable for bringing a slightly elitist, geeky art form to the national spotlight with its appearance on NBC’s The Sing-Off, paving the way for the Dartmouth Medieval Enthusiasts Club on America’s Got Talent.

Animal House, n. A film co-written by Chris Miller ’63, inspired by his experiences as a member of Alpha Delta Phi fraternity, now Alpha Delta. In the works, a contemporary remake, Three-Year Probation Without Chance of Appeal.

BEMA, n. A natural amphitheater in College Park behind Dartmouth Row. Commonly mistaken as an acronym for “Big Empty Meeting Area,” it actually stands for “Big Empty Makeout Area,” itself an abbreviated version of the full: B.E.M.A.W.R.F.S.W.D. (“Big Empty Makeout Area Where Robert Frost Statue Watches Disapprovingly”).

Dartmouth, The, n. A publication dedicated to exposing students to a world beyond their dorm room (extending from Fraternity Row to Main Street).

Dartmouth Alumni Magazine, n. A bimonthly publication mailed to alumni to remind them of how little they’ve achieved in life, in the hope their shame will manifest itself in increased donations.

Dartmouth Review, The, n. A well-funded, well-written publication drawing on the rich social and political discourse of the He-Man Women Haters Club.

Dimensions Weekend, n. A spring weekend during which admitted applicants can tour their prospective athletic, academic, cultural and makeout options.

DA$H Card, n. A discretionary spending account in which a student’s parents deposit a fixed amount of money for laundry, vending, tickets and events each term. Teaches good finance skills for down the road when, due to the student’s art history major, her parents have transitioned to depositing money into her bank account each month.

H-croo, n. 1. Short for Hanover Crew, the rainbow-haired, singing and dancing upperclassmen who greet incoming freshmen before their DOC first-year trips. 2. A freshman’s first major deliberation point as to whether he should have gone to Williams instead.

Hometown Honey, n. 1. Slang for a high school girlfriend or boyfriend who does not attend Dartmouth. 2. The dignified excuse for a lack of action freshman year.

Occom Pond, n. The future filming site of The Real Housewives of Dartmouth College.

Organic Farm, n. A radical reinvention of the “Big Agriculture” model of paying migrant workers sub-minimal wages. Here workers pay $50,000-plus per year to till the soil.

President Kim, v. To be so accomplished, an individual makes others feel bad about themselves. Ex: “Donna sent out her holiday cards in November. She really President Kimmed us on that one.”

Rhimes, Shonda, n. The alum creator of Grey’s Anatomy, responsible for more sales of College memorabilia than all athletic programs combined.

Roommate, Freshman Year, n. The person who will keep you up all night rocking the bunk-bed frame your first year. Ideally due to deep, passionate, raucous philosophical discussions.

Skiway, Dartmouth, n. Opened in 1957 so students and alumni can casually reference “our mountain” when other colleges brag about their athletic facilities.

Vox Clamantis in Deserto, n. Dartmouth’s Latin motto. Translates to “the voice of one crying out in the wilderness.” Won out over “ebrici viri intra silvam cespitans” (“drunk men stumbling in the woods”).

Alexis C. Jolly lives in Los Angeles.