Class Note 1956. Shortly after our last move, I met Tom, about 64, sitting in a motorized wheelchair with several labels attached to its sides that expressed the rider’s respect for the talents of those shown thereon. The signature of a famous country music singer that the owner adored adorned the wheel covering. Tom had an off-red complexion, smiled often, spoke with a somewhat muffled voice, and on some days seemed happy while on others his spirit turned as black as I have ever seen in a human.
It was only when I noticed a round white plastic apparatus protruding from a hole in his windpipe that I realized he had had a tracheostomy, which permitted the removal of mucus and phlegm from his lungs. He had suffered from ALS for about two years.
It did not take many visits with Tom for me to realize that despite a career of talking to people and asking them detailed questions, I did not know how to talk to Tom. While at our attained ages we may die at any moment, few of us must live with a disease with a diagnosis of death within five years as the result of ALS, for which no cure has yet been discovered.
It was only after several of Tom’s visits and some investigation into the effects of ALS that I learned some, but far from all, of the clues of talking to him. The common practice of responding to the description of a friend’s medical issues by describing one’s own medical state, a practice of which I am guilty, would not be appropriate in speaking with him. Next DAM I will offer some tips on how to talk to people like Tom.
Words of the day: confabulate—engage in conversation; logomachy—arguing about the words as spoken.
H.L. Menken wrote: “The truth is something that mankind, for some mysterious reason, instinctively dislikes.”
With sadness I report the passing of Hugh E. Calder, J. Roger Compton, Samuel Prentiss Hull Jr., Richard E. Keesey II, Ph.D., and Egil Stigum.
—Chuck Woodhouse, 6 Glenbrook Way #159, Medway, MA 02053; (508) 202-2447; kirk8202@gmail.com