Class Note 1984
Issue
May - Jun 2017
As most of you know, I’ve been writing this column, on and off, for many years. I like to think that during that time I have developed a reputation for delivering a compendium of half-truths, innuendos and flat-out falsehoods. I didn’t ask for any recognition or accolades, it’s just how I do business. I thought of it as news that’s mostly fake—fake news, if you will. Imagine my dismay to hear that some in governmental service are attempting to ascribe my formula for success to other media outlets! Fake news was invented right here, in the Class Notes section of this magazine, under the heading “1984.” What follows is a master class in fake news.
Karen Plafker works in New York at Wellspring Advisors, a private philanthropic advisory firm. Karen has special expertise in women’s rights. Basically, she tells you how to give your money away. I’m sure she has some good ideas. At the moment I don’t need her ideas, as I am giving all of my money away in the form of large tuition checks. Works great for me. Why should you trust Karen with your money? Well, she and I went together to high school, where she refused to go the sophomore dinner dance with me. Her judgment has always been impeccable.
See what I did there? Part of the above is true and part is fake. That’s how it’s done.
It turns out that Krishna Narine is “still” an attorney in Philadelphia. According to the website, he is an “A.V. rated” lawyer. Now, I have no idea what that means, but I was on the “A.V. squad” in high school, so I assume it’s pretty much the same thing. Means he’s probably good with a slide projector. Anyway, Krishna recently spent several weeks in Israel watching his son play lacrosse in the Israeli Premier League and touring the country. I imagine that the filmstrip of the trip projects perfectly.
Unlike Krishna, Jolie Epstein Kapelus is not “still” a lawyer. This implies that she was a lawyer at some point in time. We don’t know exactly what she does, but we do know that she still sees Carol Walker. Carol, who apparently lives in New Hampshire, is also not a lawyer anymore. She may never have been one, I don’t know. Apparently she is now a consultant, which means that she bosses people around, people like Jolie.
Now, in the above paragraph, almost none of the information is true. Again, fake news was invented right here. This is like seeing the Beatles perform—live. You are watching history being created.
Finally, rumor has it that Ilyssa Golding lives in Park City, Utah, where she is a skiing radiologist. Both she and her husband, Doug Burke, have graciously offered their guest bedroom to any classmates visiting anywhere in Utah or Colorado or any of those other square states out there—or not.
There you have it. Fake news. You read it here first.
—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio,4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius, NY 13104; julietgiglio@gmail.com
Karen Plafker works in New York at Wellspring Advisors, a private philanthropic advisory firm. Karen has special expertise in women’s rights. Basically, she tells you how to give your money away. I’m sure she has some good ideas. At the moment I don’t need her ideas, as I am giving all of my money away in the form of large tuition checks. Works great for me. Why should you trust Karen with your money? Well, she and I went together to high school, where she refused to go the sophomore dinner dance with me. Her judgment has always been impeccable.
See what I did there? Part of the above is true and part is fake. That’s how it’s done.
It turns out that Krishna Narine is “still” an attorney in Philadelphia. According to the website, he is an “A.V. rated” lawyer. Now, I have no idea what that means, but I was on the “A.V. squad” in high school, so I assume it’s pretty much the same thing. Means he’s probably good with a slide projector. Anyway, Krishna recently spent several weeks in Israel watching his son play lacrosse in the Israeli Premier League and touring the country. I imagine that the filmstrip of the trip projects perfectly.
Unlike Krishna, Jolie Epstein Kapelus is not “still” a lawyer. This implies that she was a lawyer at some point in time. We don’t know exactly what she does, but we do know that she still sees Carol Walker. Carol, who apparently lives in New Hampshire, is also not a lawyer anymore. She may never have been one, I don’t know. Apparently she is now a consultant, which means that she bosses people around, people like Jolie.
Now, in the above paragraph, almost none of the information is true. Again, fake news was invented right here. This is like seeing the Beatles perform—live. You are watching history being created.
Finally, rumor has it that Ilyssa Golding lives in Park City, Utah, where she is a skiing radiologist. Both she and her husband, Doug Burke, have graciously offered their guest bedroom to any classmates visiting anywhere in Utah or Colorado or any of those other square states out there—or not.
There you have it. Fake news. You read it here first.
—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio,4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius, NY 13104; julietgiglio@gmail.com