True story: When I was in sixth grade my class voted me “most popular,” “funniest,” and “best personality.” Three separate awards. The only award I missed was “most intelligent,” which should surprise no one. And this was no hollow victory. My competition was stiff. My grade school classmates included Andrew Diamond. Andy and I were in school together from the third grade through Dartmouth. Since our time in Hanover, Andy has gone on to become an ear, nose, and throat (ENT) physician, run the largest ENT group in the country, and now serves as the senior VP of Global Payments, a gigantic payment processing company. If “most likely to succeed” was a category, Andy would have certainly taken that one.

What bothers me most though is, that since that fateful day, I have collected precisely zero awards. None. And believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve entered countless contests. Zilch. It’s difficult to consider, but my high-water mark may have come in 1974.

Though I haven’t won any awards since Nixon was running the show, other classmates have fared considerably better. For example, Dani Klein Modisett was recently selected as one of Forbes magazine’s “50 Over 50.” In a life filled with success, Dani most recently founded Laughter on Call (laughteroncall.com), which runs workshops and training designed to foster connection through shared laughter. Oh, she’s also a stand-up comedian. If we had gone to grade school with Dani, she would have taken “funniest.” I would have been down to two awards. I’m glad Dani didn’t grow up on Long Island.

I wasn’t able to make our reunion this past spring. Not that it matters, but I almost got hit by lightning, repeatedly, while on a small boat several hundred miles offshore. I really wanted to attend, not just because it seems like there would have been less lightning, but also because I was sure there would be awards, and I might win one. I had my eye on “best organizer,” but, having spent no time working on reunion, I realized that I was a long shot for this award. Anyway, it turns out that Beth McGee spent a tremendous amount of time and effort making sure that the reunion was a success. I wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Another multi-award winner is Matty Lopes. Matty, who can often be found at Dartmouth football events, is an attorney and has been a special master for the U.S. District Court in California for the past 26 years. In that time he has won all sorts of legal awards. True to form, he’s also still the most popular guy in the room. Had Matty been with me at the Sunquam school, I would have been down to a single award, tops.

I’m not going to mention any more classmates in this column. I’m barely hanging on to my “best personality” award. If I bring up any name, especially that of my co-secretary, Juliet Aires Giglio, I lose that contest, every time.

—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio, 4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius, NY 13104; julietgiglio@gmail.com