During the last several months I have received countless invitations to attend our “40th class reunion” from class luminaries such as David Cumberbatch, Derek Chow, and Elisabeth Adair Jaffe, including Facebook posts, emails, and the odd voicemail. Each entreaty seemed legitimate. The voicemail even sounded like Elisabeth. Yet something was amiss. I never get invited to anything. I decided to do a bit of sleuthing. I did some research…on the interweb…the best kind of research. Well, I quickly discovered that the whole “reunion” was one big scam, and I can prove it. You see, our graduation occurred on Sunday, June 10, 1984. It is currently 2023. Some fairly complex mathematics demonstrates the 40th anniversary of that date would be June 10, 2024—not 2023! This year is only the 39th reunion. I don’t know who those fraudsters are, but they won’t fool me. I’m waiting for next year.

I’m concerned that John LoConte will fall for the fake reunion scam. John, who is a psychologist, author, and poet living in New Jersey. He seems pretty eager to go to the fake reunion, based on his postings on the class Facebook page. John has written a book titled Zack Naturally, which has received 4.4 stars on Amazon. This compares favorably with my explosive first novel, Dental Floss: The Untold History, which has received 0.24 stars.

If John does mistakenly head for Hanover, he’ll likely run into Karen Trost, who is also likely attending the fake 40th. Karen lives in Texas, so it’s a long trip for her. Karen is a freelance editor and writer back in Texas. Some interesting facts about Karen: She is originally from Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey. After graduation Karen lived for a time in Succasunna, New Jersey, and now lives in Euless. Perhaps LoConte could write a poem about Karen using those city names. Hard to find a word that rhymes with Succasunna, though, you might want to leave that one out.

Now David Shedd seems to have also made plans to attend the reunion. David lives in Portland, Maine, where he sells houses. In researching David, I violated one of my personal rules: Don’t contact the people you write about. I called David to obtain some facts about his life. David told me that he’s a realtor and is appearing in his first acting role, at the Lakewood theater in Maine. Had he not picked up the phone, I was gonna say that David lives in Maine, where he serves as the 12th governor of the Pine Tree state. Which one seems more compelling? You decide.

I hope this column reaches the rest of you before you invest time and money into our alleged 40th reunion. You should join me in Hanover next year for our actual 40th. We can get Cumberbatch to plan that one as well. Now, you’ll have to excuse me, my car’s extended warranty is expiring, and I need to get on that before it’s too late.

—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio, 47 Chestnut St., Sag Harbor, NY 11963; julietgiglio@gmail.com