I was recently cleaning my attic and came upon an old checkbook. Upon close inspection, it was my college checkbook from the Dartmouth Savings Bank. As I thumbed through the yellowed pages, I was transported back to our time in Hanover. My reverie was interrupted by the realization I had never bothered to balance that checkbook. I realized that I could no longer live like this. The account must be balanced. I decided to spend the next several weeks squaring the ledger. It all started innocently enough. I paid Kathy Zug $4.37 for a phone bill in November of 1981. That checks out. I gave Chrissy Burnley Bucklin $12.17 for tickets to something in April of 1981. Sounds right. Things were moving quickly. It felt good. Suddenly, I came upon some confusing entries. Apparently, I may have loaned some of you money during those heady times. And I’m pretty sure that I was never paid back.

I do not recall ever receiving $10 in repayment from Susan Schoenberger. Why I lent her 10 bucks, I have no idea. Now, I wouldn’t normally make a big deal about this, but Susan is about to publish her 93rd novel. This one, titled The Liability of Love, is due on July 20. I have no idea what the book is about, but it sounds like a sure winner. I’m sure she can spare the $10. I’ll even waive the interest. Our next contestant won’t be as lucky.

I apparently lent Kyle Gore $7.50 in the spring of 1982. Now, as many of you know, Kyle recently received a big honor from the College, being named to the Stephen F. Mandel Society, which “recognizes alumni volunteers who provide visionary leadership in raising gifts to Dartmouth.” This implies that Kyle is familiar with raising money, as well as the concept of compound interest. Thus, if I lent Kyle $7.50 on May 1, 1982, by my calculations, he currently owes me $4,502.75. Plus the standard conveyance fee, and we’ll call it an even $5,000.

Those of you who follow Sue Golden know that she is currently using her background in engineering and teaching to educate people about environmental issues. She works with conservation organizations and speaks about environmental issues to groups large and small. From the looks of her website (sgoldeneducation.com), she seems to run quite an impressive and idealistic organization. I feel a little badly about having to extort request $12,475 from her, but debts must be paid.

Finally, we have the biggest culprit of all, Lisa Leffert. Lisa, who was a dorm-mate of mine, once borrowed some hiking socks. Never returned them. Understandably, Lisa has been busy avoiding me for the ensuing years. However, her luck has officially run out. Lisa is moving to New Haven, Connecticut, which puts her literally in my backyard. By the time you read this column, I should net 12,375 hiking socks. I wonder if Lisa knew I lived in New Haven when she took the job?

—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio, 4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius NY 13104; julietgiglio@gmail.com