Surprisingly, this month’s column will be a little bit different. Rather than serve up inspiring tales about the exploits of our classmates, I’d like to devote our column to politics. Specifically, I’d like to use the column to formally announce my intention to seek the office of the president of the United States. If my calculations are correct, you should get this issue in the late summer, which is somewhere around Election Day.

I know that many of you will be skeptical. You might say things like, “Wasn’t that guy a biology major?” or “He can’t know a thing about politics,” or “Is it too late to get an honorary degree from some other class and become an ’83 or something?” Well fear not, my constituents, I will assemble a top-notch team to help prepare me for my presidency.

I will first contact Allen Waxman. From my research, Allen seems to be a lawyer and works for some big pharmaceutical company (Eisai). I realize that this may not seem like a good fit, but I know that Allen lived in Washington, D.C., after graduation and I imagine he would be a big help in navigating the labyrinthine streets of that city. Therefore, he will be my secretary of transportation. I found Allen on LinkedIn. Allen has had a number of jobs since graduation, so I’m sure he won’t mind quitting one more.

Every president needs to deal with crises. It’s a safe bet that my reign will lurch from one crisis to the next. Thus, I will hire Eric Dezenhall. Eric is a “crisis communication consultant.” I will definitely need at least one of those, maybe two. Eric is also an author, having written several books, including one titled Damage Control. I’m thinking of using that as my campaign slogan, “When you think Grubman, think Damage Control.” I think it would look good on a baseball cap.

I will avoid people like Leah Daughtry and Mara Rudman. People such as this, with their intimate knowledge of our governing institutions, could only be a giant drag on my presidency. I might have Dezenhall send them a few baseball hats, but that’s it.

Given my nominal medical background, the people might be interested in my choice for surgeon general. I am thinking about picking Andrew Ryan. Either Ryan or Mike Patsis. Both are surgeons. I really can’t decide. Andrew lives in Kentucky, which is somewhere in the middle. He is an orthopedic surgeon. He often makes fun of me on Facebook. He will keep me humble. Patsis is a plastic surgeon. He lives in New Jersey. He avoids all contact with me. Probably a smart move, right up to this moment. Right now, Ryan has the edge, but the election is still a long way off.

So, that’s it. For the rest of you, I’m sure I get to appoint more people to jobs. Send me your resumes. I look forward to seeing all of you at my coronation.

—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio,4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius, NY 13104; julietgiglio@gmail.com