I’ve had just about enough of my co-secretary, Juliet Aires Giglio. While I am creating a new standard in Class Notes, Juliet continues to bring us down with her heartwarming tales of classmates and her remarkable stories of courage and bravery. I find her columns short on the pillars of our new Class Notes credo: deception, exaggeration, half-Truth. Enough is enough. So I have taken control of the column. I figured that if I send the column in first, mine gets published. By the time Juliet reads this, it will be too late for Ms. “I Report the Truth.” And so the column is mine. All mine. Peace out, Ms. Honesty.

Now my evil plan does have some drawbacks. For one, Juliet has control of most of those pesky “facts” about our classmates. You know, the things that make a Juliet column. However, I have an old copy of our yearbook, which seems to contain all of your names. Plus, the warden does allow me several minutes of Internet access each day. Really, that’s all that I need.

Ed Kenealy is an attorney (Juliet-type fact—boring). We also know that Ed is busy accumulating millions of frequent flier miles. We have no idea what his job might be, and it is entirely possible that Ed has no actual job, he just likes going on airplane rides. In fact, going on airplane rides is his job. It can get tedious, but the free peanuts and soda make it all worthwhile. Plus, he collects those airsickness bags, which he proudly displays in his home.

David McCormick has a Ph.D. in geology (Juliet). He may work for Schlumberger and live somewhere in Massachusetts. Don’t really know, as I don’t have access to the data. Now, about the Ph.D. This is a degree that I have never understood. It has crazy punctuation and capital letters all over the place. David apparently rides his bike to work every day. Or perhaps he “rIdes hiS Bi.cycle” to work every day? I like the look of that.

I have also divined that Karen Francis lives in California and is CEO of a company called AcademixDirect. It apparently provides education marketing services for education institutions. Spelling is apparently not on the menu. Imagine if she hired David McCormick. He could add a few periods, commas and the odd capital letter to the name of her company. The possibilities are endless.

David Finn continues his career as a lighting designer. He has, as many of you know, achieved remarkable acclaim. In fact, we may have run out of superlatives to describe his work. I especially liked a review in Variety, which described David’s lighting for Cirque du Soleil as “sheer legerdemain.” Legerdemain is a French word from 1850. I looked it up. That, my friends, is the definition of old school.

To his credit, Rick Ehling refuses to take my calls. He always was the smarter of the two of us. You all could learn a lot from him.

—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio, 4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius, NY 13104; (315) 682-5501; julietgiglio@gmail.com